Friday, December 2, 2011,
Family Drama
I have recently discovered that, at this age, it is impossible to please your parents. When we were younger, everything we did made them happy. These days, it does the opposite. When we were younger the simplest of achievements were rewarded with a praise or a gift or something. Now, even when you do something well, they always find something else to blame you for. Example: let's say you decide to clean your parents room. and you do an awesome job. but you accidentally forget to put the brooms/ mops/ whatever you used, away and what do your parents do? Instead of praising you for cleaning their room they say you're irresponsible for not putting the cleaning utensils away.
What happened to good old fashioned praising. After getting a lecture about being irresponsible, I never want to clean my room again. I don't understand parents, they were kids once, shouldn't they know how its like? Did they honestly want to improve when their parents just continuously scolded them? Shouldn't they know that these methods simply do not work. They always go on about how they know best due to experience but somehow they don't know how to treat their children. They did a great job when we were kids and i'm not saying that they need to treat us like babies but the principle is the same. Stop with the useless scolding and look at the good things your children do for you.
All I know is that i'll definitely be a better parent than the ones I have now. If your child can correct your parenting methods and actually be right, something is definitely wrong. Its not about the experience, its about the kind of experience. If you've done badly at something for 20 years and someone else only did it for 10 years but is awesome at it I think the other person has more experience. There is not point in having experience in doing the wrong thing.
Dealing with shit like this is probably why i'm losing my mind. My grandmother is also going crazy (not the one that stays with me) I went to stay over with her and my cousin for a few days. Torture. She keeps making us do things for us and scolding us for everything. The worst part is all the adults side with her. Their excuse is that she's old. Oh come on, when little kids annoy me my parents say that they're young so its okay. Now being old is also okay? Then when is it not okay? If adults so something wrong, it's okay because they're working and under stress. So in other words teenagers are the only ones who are not allowed to make mistakes? This shit is seriously fucked up and I refuse to take any of it. I do not see a reason to listen to/ respect people older than me who do not treat me with equal respect.
So what if you think i'm disrespectful. I AM. and I don't give a fuck.
xoxoxo
unknown
Sunday, November 27, 2011,
Trust
Hello!
Today was a pretty busy day. Even with everything going on, my parents still managed to piss me off. I trust my parents, experience has taught me time and again not to but hey everyone deserves a 2nd chance right? wrong. A few weeks ago I casually made a comment about the rest of my family (uncles and aunts) being very boring and not having fun together and playing games and blah blah blah. It goes without saying that whatever I said should not be repeated by anyone to the rest of my family. My parents lack the minimum requirement of common sense. Today, they decided to share what I had previously said with MY WHOLE FAMILY. Let me elaborate...
We were having lunch, nothing special just a little get together. For some ungodly reason my parents decided to discuss the flaws of our family today. Firstly, we're having lunch, it's a joyous occasion. Don't spoil it by discussing our flaws. Secondly, since you have already started talking about our flaws and ignited the desire to defend our family, do not give away what I said about our family. The rest of them already want to defend themselves and when they find out that the person making such comments is right there they would begin a verbal attack on that person who cannot defend herself alone. In this case, if it wasn't obvious enough, the poor defenseless girl was me. One of the reasons why I could not defend myself is that I didn't want to. Trying to prove my point would only add fuel to a fire, burning inside them, that is already big enough to begin with. Keeping quiet, although making it seem like I had given up, was the better thing to do.
Anyway, the past is the past. I don't want to get too upset over this. I tend to become a horrible bitch when I get too upset over something. I should work on that.
xoxoxo
unknown
Saturday, November 26, 2011,
Beginning Of Something New
I have many names. "Her" "That Girl" "Whore" "Bitch" "Darling" "Babe" sometimes it's hard to keep track of what my real name is. My life is complicated. Well, the way I see it at least. As any other girl, I like a boy in school. We'll call him Justin. It's not his real name, I just picked something that came to my head. I told him that I eyecandy him, didn't seem to have much of an impact so I left it. I'm too much of a coward to admit my real feelings. His best friend is Joe. (if you're smart, you would realise i'm not exactly using real names here) Joe has something against me, a really big hatred towards me which I myself cannot find a reason for. I have been bitchy towards a few people but Joe is definitely not one of them. Anyway, Joe is out to make my life miserable and the worst part is I think he know I like Justin. Major danger zone for me.
Then there are my friends. They're aren't perfect but they'll do. Of course right now I can't think of anything bad to say about them but sooner or later something will happen.
So here's the story line before you decide if i'm a waste of time or not. I am trying to change my life. Start anew, but I can't do it alone and i'm way too paranoid about telling people that I care about because of the fear of being judged. So i'm blogging about it, sharing my story with people who probably have better things to do than listen to me rant. It's not about getting advice (although it woulds really help) sometimes all you need is an illusion to make you content. I'd much rather blog about my life, pretending that someone out there actually cares than telling someone abut it and them having a complete look of boredom on their face. Diary's are useless. Mine's right in front of me actually. I refuse to write in it anymore.
People say writing in your diary helps you vent. Not true. Venting is not just about saying what you want its also about getting your opinion out there for people to see. Diary's keep everything in and what's worse is that it's all in writing.
Reading the previous diary entries. Even one about suicide. Yes, I've thought about it. Who hasn't? I was probably overeating to the situation but at that time it didn't seem like it. After reading that I realised, letting my anger out onto a book that no one else would ever see didn't differ from keeping everything locked inside me. That's why i'm done with those.
Well that's all I have to say for now. Thanks for listening (:
xoxoxo
unknown
