Saturday, November 26, 2011,
Beginning Of Something New
I have many names. "Her" "That Girl" "Whore" "Bitch" "Darling" "Babe" sometimes it's hard to keep track of what my real name is. My life is complicated. Well, the way I see it at least. As any other girl, I like a boy in school. We'll call him Justin. It's not his real name, I just picked something that came to my head. I told him that I eyecandy him, didn't seem to have much of an impact so I left it. I'm too much of a coward to admit my real feelings. His best friend is Joe. (if you're smart, you would realise i'm not exactly using real names here) Joe has something against me, a really big hatred towards me which I myself cannot find a reason for. I have been bitchy towards a few people but Joe is definitely not one of them. Anyway, Joe is out to make my life miserable and the worst part is I think he know I like Justin. Major danger zone for me.
Then there are my friends. They're aren't perfect but they'll do. Of course right now I can't think of anything bad to say about them but sooner or later something will happen.
So here's the story line before you decide if i'm a waste of time or not. I am trying to change my life. Start anew, but I can't do it alone and i'm way too paranoid about telling people that I care about because of the fear of being judged. So i'm blogging about it, sharing my story with people who probably have better things to do than listen to me rant. It's not about getting advice (although it woulds really help) sometimes all you need is an illusion to make you content. I'd much rather blog about my life, pretending that someone out there actually cares than telling someone abut it and them having a complete look of boredom on their face. Diary's are useless. Mine's right in front of me actually. I refuse to write in it anymore.
People say writing in your diary helps you vent. Not true. Venting is not just about saying what you want its also about getting your opinion out there for people to see. Diary's keep everything in and what's worse is that it's all in writing.
Reading the previous diary entries. Even one about suicide. Yes, I've thought about it. Who hasn't? I was probably overeating to the situation but at that time it didn't seem like it. After reading that I realised, letting my anger out onto a book that no one else would ever see didn't differ from keeping everything locked inside me. That's why i'm done with those.
Well that's all I have to say for now. Thanks for listening (:
xoxoxo
unknown
